Nothing like the word “oncology” to make a girl think about death.

I know, I know. It’s too early to think about things like that, and it’s important to stay optimistic, and platitude platitude platitude. But I defy anyone to hear that they have what is almost certainly a malignant cancerous brain tumor and not spend a bit of time pondering their mortality.

So, after a bit of pondering, here is where I stand: the main thing about death is that I’m not really on board with it just yet. I’m having a marvelous time with my magnificent husband; and tissue samples, while valuable, aren’t really how I’d planned on making my big contribution to science.

Regarding Abe, we are in love! He really needs me around to bring him sweet coffee every morning and kiss and squeeze him and tell him he’s wonderful and handsome and funny and smart and talented and deeply loved at every opportunity. We need to be together for many more years to hold hands and travel and laugh and share our everyday thoughts and experiences and play video games and shop for groceries and generally live happily ever after together. If I were to die, it would utterly ruin our plans for future fun and growing old together. Unacceptable.

Also, regardless of a person’s deeply-held desire to contribute to humanity’s body of scientific knowledge in some small way, it’s difficult to get your PhD if you are not alive. It just doesn’t look good on the university application.

Of course, I’m pretty philosophical about these things. No one lives forever, unless they can find a way to download their brains into an indestructible robot. In the meantime, all I can do here is follow the doctors’ directions; try to make reasonable, well-informed choices when there are choices to make; and hope for the best. In the meantime, I’ll get the documents in order in case something happens, so Abe won’t have to dig around for everything if one of the operations doesn’t go as planned.

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